whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize