watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
