I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
