walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
