need another drink. this is the easiest way
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
