Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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