So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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