the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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