My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize