What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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