Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
