: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
