**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Randomize
