I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
