so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize