thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
