She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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