Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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