Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
