Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
