Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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