dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
