why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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