omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
