after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
