I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
