I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
