Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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