Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
