She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
