i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
