end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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