its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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