hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
do nipples grow back?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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