my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
