So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
