My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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