you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
