i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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