Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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