dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
