11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
