your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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