If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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