just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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