If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
