I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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