he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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