Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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