quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
