I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
