Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
