She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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