three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
