how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
