perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
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