People in love make me want to vomit
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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