ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
