There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
