I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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