your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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