i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
