i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
