I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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