people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
