No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
