We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
