I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
