next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
