hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My vagina is officially offended.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
