We got so high we made milksteak
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
