meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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