He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
