so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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